People ask why this topic: Death-How do you feel about DEATH?
Well, for one I never get used to it. The circumstances usually determine the grieving process. I am sure it is different for everyone.
When grandma died when I was ten and nobody properly explained the grieving process I was very very upset. Even MAD-It isn't easy to lose your very best friend in the Whole Wide World.
Then every two years for the next six years to lose a significant person in your life isn't easy grandpa (he basically just gave up after losing his sweetheart of 40 years-guess she was his best friend also).
Then to lose your favorite aunt. I can't even begin to explain those feelings.
Then your father who gave you the love of baseball and told the best bed time stories (never from a book).
Along the way losing your favorite mother (what else is there but a favorite mother). Then your favorite uncle.
Life has a way of taking it tolls.
Now what led to this is losing a friend.
I have lost quite a few friends over the years-due to some illness or that illness (does it matter what the illness is when the end results are all the same).
Some stick out more than others though. Like my buddy who wouldn't listen to the doctor who told her just one (1) more cigarette and it is OVER. Didn't listen to the doctor. Didn't believe the doctor. And at the tender age of 27.
Do you smoke? Do you listen to your doctor? What do you do when the doctor smokes? Anyway that is another article.
Watching people fight for their very existence, not giving up until that last breathe is taken-is what I am used to. Never give up.
To see someone give up-turn on themselves-murder by their own hands **SUICIDE**. That hurts-not as bad though when you know the whole story.
My friend died recently; however, I know he put up a fight. The decision wasn't based on giving up. It was based on a disease-the disease of DEPRESSION-the hospital stay, the psychiatrist, and the medication that was fighting back. Because I seen the fight even though I feel bad I am not devastated. It is hard fighting a disease. Something going on inside-places where no one can see. To the best of my knowledge doesn't even show up on X-ray. Unlike cancer where there is a chance it can be cut out by surgery DEPRESSION is internal- DEEP INTERNAL. In the recessive of the mind.
Maybe, just maybe working in the medical field for over 25 years, I have a better understanding of the disease of depression than the average person on the street.
Most people do not even understand the disease. They just see the behavior-the actions of the person and go by that.
Well, buddy I knew your zest for life when the disease wasn't rearing its ugly head. I will miss our conversations. Your stubbornness. Your strong headedness when you "thought" you were right. Even the moments when you "were" right (I keep wanting to put this in present tense) and the other person just doesn't want to give in. (LOL) Always a conversation never an argument. I need a moment even good memories are..............
I'll miss your laugh my friend. May the GOD of your understanding find a soft place for you to rest. The battle is now over. God has personally taken another soldier under his personal care. Maybe you can find someone there you can beat at chess.
I'll try not to take this too hard. I hope to be able to speak with your children to be able to explain the difference between the behavior of a person and someone suffering from a DISEASE. Is 45 to young yes, but not to a DISEASE.
This was written by a friend because their are many friends who are overlooked when their friend die because all eyes are on the family-And rightfully so-But the friends goes through moments not the same as family but moments never the less.