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- A Friend
- Death-How do you feel about DEATH?
Death-How do you feel about DEATH?
- By Daniel Rodgers
- Published 08/15/2009
- Suicide , A Friend
-
Rating:
Daniel Rodgers
People ask why this topic:
The reason being is that this is usaully a topic not dealt with until it is too late.
Someone is seriously hurt, someone is in jail, and families are broken up.
How does this little 5 letter word cause such damage?
Well, I believe the main reason is that ANGER is left unattended. Sometimes ANGER is so mild that it isn't recognized as a problem.
Here is where you have your classic situation of MISDIRECTED ANGER (Anger left unattended or not dealt with the person or situation that caused it.
Based on my observations the most ANGER is caused in the work place.
An employee is upset about a situation with their boss.
For fear of reprisal they do not deal with the situation.
This starts the ball rolling into a build up.
They get in their car and someone cuts them off.
Not intentional, however, this builds'up more and starts festering, (By the way this causes your basic ROAD RAGE) now they go into the store the clerk isn't as pleasant as the person thinks they should be.
And boom they start yelling about the person being rude and uncourteous.
Maybe they were a little, however, not to the extent that warranted this outburst.
This now goes back to the first situation with the boss that was not dealt with.
Even worst thay do not deal with the situation with the clerk.
Now they have a build up of several incidences not properly dealt with or channeled.
Now for the worse scenario. they arrive home and the family is glad to see them.
However, someone does something not really bad , but could be a little annoying and they explode.
Now as far as they can see there isn't any real danger of letting their ANGER out.
Say it is a man and he gets into an agument with his wife.
They get a little too close(now remember they didn't deal with the boss-maybe scare of losing their job-didn't deal with the car that cut them off because they couldn't-didn't deal with the clerk because it didn't seem that important.)
However, built up anger now explodes again and they aren't scare of any consequences, shoving starts, wife falls down and hits her head. Hits that soft spot that everyone has and dies. Wife/Mother dead, Husband/Father in jail. Children witness the whole thing and have to live the rest of their lives seeing their father kill their mother.
A little extreme but possible. This is a classic case of Mis-Directed ANGER-check your prisons. There is a population of people who didn't mean to do it. This could have been the scenario.
Even worst is the person who try to drink their problem away and drive after drinking and hit someone. Maybe they black-out(Can't remember what happened) spend years in jail and will never even remember the incident.
What do you think about that 5 letter word now? A N G E R
Death-How do you feel about DEATH?
Death-How do you feel about DEATH?
Well, for one I never get used to it. The circumstances usually determine the grieving process. I am sure it is different for everyone.
When grandma died when I was ten and nobody properly explained the grieving process I was very very upset. Even MAD-It isn't easy to lose your very best friend in the Whole Wide World.
Then every two years for the next six years to lose a significant person in your life isn't easy grandpa (he basically just gave up after losing his sweetheart of 40 years-guess she was his best friend also).
Then to lose your favorite aunt. I can't even begin to explain those feelings.
Then your father who gave you the love of baseball and told the best bed time stories (never from a book).
Along the way losing your favorite mother (what else is there but a favorite mother). Then your favorite uncle.
Life has a way of taking it tolls.
Now what led to this is losing a friend.
I have lost quite a few friends over the years-due to some illness or that illness (does it matter what the illness is when the end results are all the same).
Some stick out more than others though. Like my buddy who wouldn't listen to the doctor who told her just one (1) more cigarette and it is OVER. Didn't listen to the doctor. Didn't believe the doctor. And at the tender age of 27.
Do you smoke? Do you listen to your doctor? What do you do when the doctor smokes? Anyway that is another article.
Watching people fight for their very existence, not giving up until that last breathe is taken-is what I am used to. Never give up.
To see someone give up-turn on themselves-murder by their own hands **SUICIDE**. That hurts-not as bad though when you know the whole story.
My friend died recently; however, I know he put up a fight. The decision wasn't based on giving up. It was based on a disease-the disease of DEPRESSION-the hospital stay, the psychiatrist, and the medication that was fighting back. Because I seen the fight even though I feel bad I am not devastated. It is hard fighting a disease. Something going on inside-places where no one can see. To the best of my knowledge doesn't even show up on X-ray. Unlike cancer where there is a chance it can be cut out by surgery DEPRESSION is internal- DEEP INTERNAL. In the recessive of the mind.
Maybe, just maybe working in the medical field for over 25 years, I have a better understanding of the disease of depression than the average person on the street.
Most people do not even understand the disease. They just see the behavior-the actions of the person and go by that.
Well, buddy I knew your zest for life when the disease wasn't rearing its ugly head. I will miss our conversations. Your stubbornness. Your strong headedness when you "thought" you were right. Even the moments when you "were" right (I keep wanting to put this in present tense) and the other person just doesn't want to give in. (LOL) Always a conversation never an argument. I need a moment even good memories are..............
I'll miss your laugh my friend. May the GOD of your understanding find a soft place for you to rest. The battle is now over. God has personally taken another soldier under his personal care. Maybe you can find someone there you can beat at chess.
I'll try not to take this too hard. I hope to be able to speak with your children to be able to explain the difference between the behavior of a person and someone suffering from a DISEASE. Is 45 to young yes, but not to a DISEASE.
This was written by a friend because their are many friends who are overlooked when their friend die because all eyes are on the family-And rightfully so-But the friends goes through moments not the same as family but moments never the less.
Daniel Rodgers
People ask why this topic:
The reason being is that this is usaully a topic not dealt with until it is too late.
Someone is seriously hurt, someone is in jail, and families are broken up.
How does this little 5 letter word cause such damage?
Well, I believe the main reason is that ANGER is left unattended. Sometimes ANGER is so mild that it isn't recognized as a problem.
Here is where you have your classic situation of MISDIRECTED ANGER (Anger left unattended or not dealt with the person or situation that caused it.
Based on my observations the most ANGER is caused in the work place.
An employee is upset about a situation with their boss.
For fear of reprisal they do not deal with the situation.
This starts the ball rolling into a build up.
They get in their car and someone cuts them off.
Not intentional, however, this builds'up more and starts festering, (By the way this causes your basic ROAD RAGE) now they go into the store the clerk isn't as pleasant as the person thinks they should be.
And boom they start yelling about the person being rude and uncourteous.
Maybe they were a little, however, not to the extent that warranted this outburst.
This now goes back to the first situation with the boss that was not dealt with.
Even worst thay do not deal with the situation with the clerk.
Now they have a build up of several incidences not properly dealt with or channeled.
Now for the worse scenario. they arrive home and the family is glad to see them.
However, someone does something not really bad , but could be a little annoying and they explode.
Now as far as they can see there isn't any real danger of letting their ANGER out.
Say it is a man and he gets into an agument with his wife.
They get a little too close(now remember they didn't deal with the boss-maybe scare of losing their job-didn't deal with the car that cut them off because they couldn't-didn't deal with the clerk because it didn't seem that important.)
However, built up anger now explodes again and they aren't scare of any consequences, shoving starts, wife falls down and hits her head. Hits that soft spot that everyone has and dies. Wife/Mother dead, Husband/Father in jail. Children witness the whole thing and have to live the rest of their lives seeing their father kill their mother.
A little extreme but possible. This is a classic case of Mis-Directed ANGER-check your prisons. There is a population of people who didn't mean to do it. This could have been the scenario.
Even worst is the person who try to drink their problem away and drive after drinking and hit someone. Maybe they black-out(Can't remember what happened) spend years in jail and will never even remember the incident.
What do you think about that 5 letter word now? A N G E R
Spread The Word
3 Responses to "Death-How do you feel about DEATH?"
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said this on 16 Aug 2009 9:20:52 PM CST
I read this and other articles which were very moving.
It made me realize that we can not deny our feelings, especially when we are feeling discouraged and despair for long periods of time which leads to depression,
I once heard that depression is anger turned inside out.When we don't or can't release the anger that we have towards ourselves, others, the world and circumstances we get discouraged, despaired, distracted and finally depression.
Depression is a strong emotion that can overtake your best intentions. I know what it is for the thought of killing myself or that voice that says you might as well and go ahead and die because you can't do anything right. Your not living up to your greatest potential anyway. I realized a while ago that I have to be on guard against 2 diseases and I had to ask which one was doing the talking.
Although they are related , I realized that the disease of addiction talks one way and the other talks another. The other one tells me I'm going to die anyway so why bother to participate in life. That's when I get a righteous and relentless anger over this enemy of my mind, will and emotions and I begin to pray for deliverance, however, I begin to think and believe that regardless I'm still here! for a purpose.
Yes, I have also the seen the increase and impact of this depression. It is no longer just pray, read positive literature , do your steps and talk about it. It is definitely a dis-ease that has effected the mind ,will and emotions, Its a dark, lonely, isolated place that you have to remain faithful and prayerful.
You have to be willing to intentionally listen to another without judgement and not a lack of concern. You have to seek God more than ever and trust that he will provide all you will need to sustain you unitl the darkness becomes light. Easier said that done but it is doable.
But what I've learned is that we have to talk about what we are thinking and feeling regardless if we are judged , misunderstood or ridiculed. I know only one person that can understand the deep cries of a depressive state and his name is Jesus.
But anyway I didn't mean to sound like I didn't understand your pain and hurt of losing a friend . Regardless of what the circumstances it still hurts and I feel your pain and I pray that even if my words can't comfort you that God will comfort and strengthen you through this time.
God Bless Lisa
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said this on 28 Sep 2009 12:22:06 AM CST
When my Mother died 1988 I was angry with the world, starting with God. I was not ready to let her go and any body who didn't seem to understand how much I was hurting became targets. I set out to make every one hurt like I was hurting, I had no one to explain to me how my lost manifested it self in anger. I'm talking about the kind of self distructing anger that would go into rage at a drop of the hat. Another thing that I did not under stand at the time was that the person I was most angry with was myself.
There had to have been mthing that I could have done to stop her from dying. How could I have been so powerless over the situation? When ever my Mother had a problem she would call me and I would fix it. How could I not have been able to fix this?
I sunk into a deep depression filled with drugs, sex, anger and violence. It took me years to figure out 1. Like I was my Mother's child, She was God's child and he did notneed my permission to take her her home. (this realization kind of embarrased me) 2. I was only responsible of what I did during my mother's life, I had nothing to do with her her deato I'm just not that powerful. 3. I was responsible for the way I was slowly trying to kill myself. And that my Mother I'm sure did not approve of my behavior.I would not presume to tell anyone how to get over death. It is so personal and private that every one has a God given right to grieve the way chose. I do know one thing from experience
"Destroy ing yourself will not bring your loved one back" Believe me I tried, Also God I wish I had some one to tell me that it was nobody elses fault either. I was spending so much time being angry with the world that I had no room in my heart to heal.
Thanks Danny for stearing me to this site.
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said this on 29 Sep 2009 7:27:00 PM CST
I thank you. It reminded me of when my grandmother died and got angry with God and shut the world out. Thanks for your comments. I look forward to reading your stories. Something magical happens when one put their thoughts onto paper.
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