My Best Friend

I am angry, frustrated, and definitely powerless over this life and death situation.

Tuesday (January 6th), my mother was undergoing surgery for cancer in her leg. The doctors say that she will be in the hospital for at least two-three days. The procedure involves an insertion of a pin that is required to contain the small mass of cancer from spreading to other parts of her body. They say that radiation and chemotherapy will follow after this is done for the most part of the year.

My mother initially found out that she had lung cancer last year. She fell on a piece of black ice and kept complaining about chest and back pain. Of course, she thought that the pain would subside but it didn’t. She took many x-rays, MRI’s, and finally a cat scan. The cat scan gave the doctors a clear picture to determine that she had a small cancer mass on her spine and lung. Her doctor reassured us that it was not as threatening as we had
imagined. At that time, he prescribed her an oral medication, Tarceeva. Tarceeva is a about three years old and proven to work in slowing down the growth of cancer. However, it is actually oral chemo and had the same side effects as chemotherapy. She went through
hair thinning and loss, skin rashes, loss of appetite, and was unable to gain substantial weight. Inspite of all that she remains beautiful with a short haircut, good appetite,
and a good 156 lbs. This was her norm to me, but she is vain (we all are).

Now its 2009, a year later and the cancer not only remains in her spine and lung, it has migrated to her leg (femur, thigh bone). I like going with her to her appointments as support. 
I always ask the doctors many questions because she forgets or gets nervous.
They know I am the concerned daughter and they are understanding .
However, this latest news really threw me for a loop. There we were in the examination room,
the doctor read the report, and I just lost it and broke down. I’m usually the strong one but this time I couldn’t help it!
The doctor asked Mommie to leave the room while she
tried to calm me down. She told me to try to be strong for her and I agreed but the tears wouldn’t stop falling. Also, she reminded me that Mommie was not leaving today or
tomorrow, but that we should prepare for the inevitable.

How did all this come about?
Well, my mother used to smoke cigarettes and she quit 30 years ago. 

Of course, I smoke and yes I’m seriously thinking about quitting. My doctor and I have had this discussion many times.
Recently, I requested a cat scan of my lungs
and chest. Since this ordeal, I want to take precautions as I am concerned. I’ve been a smoker for over 30 years and my doctor suggests that the best plan for me will be the pill, patch, and gum.
We have agreed upon March as an unofficial quit date.

So now, I just continue to pray, write, and talk about my feelings concerning my Mommie.

There are times I wonder what I would do without my best friend so I try to enjoy every moment with her!!!