LIVING A PEACEFUL LIFE

Revised 3-6-08

LIVING A PEACEFUL LIFE
By Dr. Robert Puff


Years ago when I was working on a doctorate degree, I had the good fortune of
meeting Verna, a wonderful woman who lived in a local nursing home. Verna was
basically alone in the world. Her husband and her son had died. Her only grandson was
a drug addict, and she hadn’t heard from him in years. On top of everything else, she was
plagued by multiple health problems. And yet, Verna was one of the happiest people I
have ever met. Instead of moping around thinking about all of the things that had gone
wrong in her life, she spent her days trying to make everyone in the nursing home feel
better. She chose to be happy, in spite of her life’s circumstances. “God has kept me here
for a reason,” she said cheerfully. That reason was to reach out to the other people and
fill their days with as much joy as Verna could provide for them. By refusing to succumb
to negative thoughts in spite of her surroundings, and by accepting “what is,” Verna
found peace and contentment. I was drawn to Verna because of her positive attitude and
rarely missed our weekly lunches together. Though she has passed away, I’ve never
forgotten her.

Like Verna you, too, can live a peaceful life, no matter what’s going on in the
world around you. In this Podcast, I’ll talk about how you can attain your ultimate goal of
living a life you love by accepting “what is” and living in the moment.

To begin, if you haven’t already done so, please listen to the free download of my
book, Anger Work: How to Express Your Anger and Still Be Kind, at my web site,
www.DoctorPuff.com. Thousands of people all over the world have read Anger Work,

1. and have successfully used the methods I’ve suggested to heal themselves from past
emotional wounds. Doing Anger Work is actually the first step towards living a truly
peaceful life and eventually discovering the ultimate state of contentment that all human
beings seek.

Once you’ve healed these old mental wounds, what comes next?

SEARCHING FOR PEACE OF MIND

Everyone wants to have a completely satisfying, calm and relatively stress-free
existence. On the other hand, the phrase “peace of mind” means different things to
different people. Many equate peace of mind with having bundles of money. Others
believe it comes with possessing a lot of material things, like cars, expensive clothes,
and
a fabulous house. Still other people feel that if they land a high-power job, they’ll have
complete satisfaction and, ultimately, peace of mind.

So if peace of mind comes through accumulating things and material wealth, then
why are there so many unhappy rich and successful people? Movie stars are a perfect
example. They seem to have it all. Yet, newspapers and tabloid t.v. shows are filled with
stories of well-known actors getting arrested for drunk driving, taking drugs, shoplifting,
and far worse.

If the answer isn’t fame or fortune, then what is? If I told you that everything
you’re looking for, everything you need to live a wonderful life filled with peace and joy
is something you have access to right now, would you believe me?

It’s true. But to achieve this kind of internal peace requires a few very easy
lifestyle changes. It literally is all in your mind. Let me explain.

2. When we’re born, our minds are like a blank slate. Infants make no judgments
about anything. They don’t evaluate what’s good or bad, and react only to what they
need in the moment, like milk or a clean diaper. By about the age of two and a half, our
minds become more aware of our surroundings. We begin to look at things and form
likes and dislikes. We say to ourselves, “I want more of that.” Or, when something is
unpleasant, we think of it as bad and attempt to push it away. The term I use for this kind
of thought process is the “egoic mind,” which is another way of saying that our thoughts
are in control.

It’s egoic thinking that causes us to suffer. I don’t mean the kind of suffering you
experience when you burn your hand on a hot stove. Instead, it’s a mental suffering that
is created by internal thoughts, like the “if only I could have” kind of thinking that
focuses on accumulating material possessions. The kind of suffering I’m talking about
comes from trying to control or change things that are out of your hands, instead of
accepting “what is.” It’s making mental commentaries about things that we think are
good or bad. And it’s about finding discontentment in our lives, no matter how well off
we really are.

THE CYCLE OF DESIRE

Let’s say you’re planning to buy a new convertible sports car. You’ve imagined
yourself punching the throttle to the floor and whizzing through traffic. You can almost
feel the wind raking through your hair and see the other drivers staring at you with envy.
You’re sure that when you get your sports car, your life will be complete. The day
finally arrives when you buy it, and for a while, you’re blissful. That euphoric state of
mind fades, however, and you begin to realize that the fancy car hasn’t made you as

3. happy as you thought you would be. Your mind shifts to a new object of desire. You
think, “If only I had a boat, plastic surgery, a bigger house, or -- you fill in the blank
-then I would be happy.

Will you be content with your new purchase, or will you eventually want to
replace it with something else to bring you this artificial sense of happiness? External
possessions may temporarily satisfy your desire. Note that I used the word
“temporarily.” You see, once that sense of satisfaction is gone, you’ll experience more
suffering until you find something else to satisfy your next desire. Again and again, you
make purchases, thinking that you will eventually find contentment. In the end, you
don’t, and your struggle continues.

Ask yourself how much mental and physical energy it took to buy that expensive
car, Rolex watch, designer outfit, or whatever you felt you had to have. After you made
the purchase, how long did that artificial feeling of euphoria last? Do you constantly
worry that someone will scratch or ding your car? What if you’re in a fender bender?
What if it’s stolen? Do you fear that you can’t keep up the payments if, say, you lose
your job?

Following your desires and looking for external things to make you happy
inevitability leads to discontent. Why? Because things like cars, boats, and houses
aren’t permanent. They can be lost in a fire or flood. They wear out or break. They can
be repossessed by the bank. In a word, they can be lost.

It’s okay and very normal to want nice things. Instead of calling them “desires,”
let’s call them “preferences.” Getting back to the example of buying a new car, you can
have a preference for a particular model, style and color. That’s fine. But the purchase

4. should be made with full awareness of what you can afford, and, when you can and
should buy it. You need to remove thoughts about acquiring things to please your egoic
self or to impress others, as this will almost surely result in more suffering in the long
run.

Rather than relying on external things to bring you pleasure, you must understand
that the only true happiness comes from inside of you. Be content with what you have
when you have it by living in the now.

LEARNING TO GO WITH THE FLOW

Like you, unexpected things happen to me that require letting go of desires or
changing plans. Accepting a situation at face value is a constant struggle for all of us.
We all need to remind ourselves to redirect our thoughts, to “what is” and go with the
flow.

One of those unforeseen events occurred recently when my wife and I took our
children to Las Vegas on vacation. When we booked our hotel, we made sure that there
were a lot of things for the kids to do, including an extra special swimming pool. After
breakfast on the first day, we changed into our swimming suits and headed to the pool,
excited about all of the fun we were going to have. Instead, my two-year-old daughter
banged her chin on the cement and was left with a gash that we knew would require
stitches. Of course, my first thought was about making sure my daughter was all right.
Then I silently thought, “Oh no. We’re going to have to spend the day in an emergency
room. There go all of our plans.” Practicing my belief that we have to let go of these
kinds of destructive thoughts, I stayed present with what was happening in that moment.

5. Believe me. Most of the day was shot. We had to go to more than one emergency
room to find someone who would do stitches on a toddler. We had to take taxis across
town and sit in waiting rooms for countless hours. In spite of the situation, we found
ways to make it a special day. For instance, we visited the gift shops in the emergency
hospitals and let the kids pick out a few toys. We made a big deal out of riding in the
taxis, since it was a new experience for our children. We ate at a fun pizza restaurant
after our daughter had been taken care of by a doctor. The end result was positive. The
kids still talk about all of the fun stuff they did on what could have been a nightmarish
day.

Here’s another way to put it. When you learn marshal arts, you’re taught to relax
your muscles. If you’re very tight and someone hits you, you’ll get hurt. But if you relax
and flow with a blow, it doesn’t hurt as much. It’s like that with life. When you relax and
flow wherever life propels you, things go much better. If you fight life, things are
tougher.

It’s easier to go with the flow if you keep your expectations appropriate to “what
is,” “just be,” and thus “learn to love what is.” For example, last year I took my family
on a vacation that required a long airplane ride. My children were very young, and my
wife and I knew it could be a difficult trip for all of us. We boarded the plane with
realistic expectations. We knew we had to accept the “what is,” and that we would need
to accept the situation. In other words, we anticipated what the trip would be and
mentally prepared ourselves for it. Of course, part of that preparation was bringing along
things to keep the kids entertained. Having appropriate expectations allowed us to keep

6. from getting upset when one of the children fussed or got bored. It took patience and
preparation, but things worked out fine.

If you don’t already know about the Serenity Prayer, be sure to look it up. Make
a copy and read it as often as possible. Its message is a good one. Basically, it advises
us
to change what we can, and accept what we cannot. In other words, go with the flow.

HOW DO YOU DO IT?

So how can you turn off your mind and learn to live in the now, in that desired
state of accepting “what is?” It’s really a simple process that doesn’t require anything
other than practice. Here’s the key: Thoughts arise spontaneously in your brain. This is a
conditioned, subconscious response thought process that’s very natural and can’t be
completely shut off. So when you see someone or something that looks a certain way,
and you comment on it in your mind, go ahead and acknowledge these thoughts. But
don’t continue to think about it. Don’t judge or comment on it as good or bad. Simply
stop thinking about it and get back to “what is” happening in the moment.

In my practice, I teach my clients that having a peaceful life means that you need
to live relatively thought-free. That’s because it’s our thoughts that evaluate our
existence. We constantly rethink events from the past and worry about the future. Our
minds conjure up all sorts of fears, desires, and dislikes. So, by observing these thoughts
without criticism for having them, but then immediately getting back to what is
happening now, we’re better able to live in the moment. The more frequently we do this,
the quieter the mind becomes, and a peaceful life emerges like the lotus flower emerging
from the dark waters below.

7. The kind of peace you’ll derive from living in the now is something you must
experience for yourself to truly understand. You can’t merely read about it or
conceptualize the feeling. Can you truly know what chocolate tastes like if you’ve never
taken a bite? Until you’ve experienced this total sense of well being, you can’t
understand what I’m talking about. It’s always there inside of each of us, just waiting to
be realized.

I encourage each of you to try to still your mind and see how it feels. And if you
make this the focus of your life, you’ll become more and more peaceful. Invest time in it,
and you’ll reap the rewards. You will live a much more peaceful life. Work at it. It is
work, but the returns on your investment are well worth the effort.

Move towards having “no judgment” kind of life. For instance, you may be
served a meal that’s not your favorite dish, but that really doesn’t matter much. Instead
of fretting or complaining, appreciate what you have and move on. Finding true peace
means being in total harmony with “what is.” The “what is” at that particular moment in
your life may not be your first preference. It may not be the thing that would have
brought you most happiness. Don’t forget that happiness is a transient state of being.
Like everything else, your current situation will pass and then there will be another state
of being, and another. Let go of the outcome of those situations. Have an openness to
life and all that is. Just be still and observe.

I’m not talking about meditation, though I’m a great believer in it. Actually, I’ve
been practicing meditation in some form for decades. I advise my clients to meditate as a
way to quiet their minds. That’s when we discover that our minds are constantly making
commentary.

8. I’ll discuss the practice of meditation in more detail in a future Podcast and
article. For now, let me say that meditation is good for is quieting the mind. Our minds
are very, very busy. If you don’t realize how cluttered your mind is, try to meditation.
Most people’s thoughts bounce around like a ping pong ball. Frequently referred to as
the “monkey mind” for obvious reasons, we make mental lists of groceries to pick up at
the store, or think about a phone call we need to make later, or the cleaning we forgot to
pick up yesterday.

Although it takes a little practice, you’ll find that meditation keeps your mind
quiet and that you’ll feel relaxed and calm. But how can you keep that peaceful,
meditative feeling the rest of the time? Applying the simple rule of living in the now
through accepting “what is” can bring you this same sense of a quiet mind. The ultimate
goal is to remain in a state of meditation; that state which is quiet and just observes
both
what is happening inside and outside of oneself…without commentary, all of the time.
Work towards having a meditative life.

BEING AWARE

I’ve talked about trying to live a thought-free life. That doesn’t mean that you
should live a life without awareness. Try this: Pay attention to your thoughts. If you’re
like most people, you’ll realize that you’re judging all day. You’ll think, “This is good.
That’s bad. Good, bad. Good, bad.” These thoughts pop into your mind and then spill
into your mental commentary, causing you suffering.

Is thinking those thoughts going to change anything? Tell yourself, “Unless I can
do something about this, I will let these thoughts go.” Make a conscious effort to do this.

9. Eventually, you’ll discover that your mind will get quieter and quieter until you
finally
experience the peace that comes with accepting “what is.”

One of my favorite visualizations, and one I often share with my clients, is to
think of yourself as the sky: endless and magnificent. Inevitably, dark clouds will come –
they are like the egoic thoughts that say, “I want this. I don’t want that.” We often jump
into that cloud and become that cloud, silently thinking, “This is bad” or “I don’t like
that.” We stew on something that we can’t do anything about.

Be aware that this happening and clear the mind of these thoughts. Instead of
thinking those dark, egoic thoughts, remember that you are the big, vast sky. Go ahead
and witness those clouds. After you observe them, immediately get back to being the
sky. If you don’t engage the clouds, they will ultimately move on and go away.

Here’s another one of my favorite analogies. Imagine that you are a beautiful
pond. When the water is murky or the surface is rippled, like the thoughts that clutter
your mind, you can’t see the bottom. But if you, the pond, is completely and utterly still,
the water clears and allows you to see even the smallest detail on the bottom. It’s through
this stillness, this quietness of mind that you will experience the depths of your soul.

This is the core of peaceful living. We humans tend to let our minds run away
with thoughts and worry. It’s often these thoughts that get in the way of our natural state
of joy and happiness. Whether or not we’re aware of it, our heads are spinning with
random images and bits of information – about 4,000 at any given time – that can
potentially keep us stressed and in a constant state of angst. Only sleep and a
thoughtless,
just-being state can give you rest.

10. What I’m talking about is just being, without the mental commentary. It’s those
thoughts about something that’s out of your control, cogitating on the same event over
and over – things you can’t change or do anything about – that cause you disharmony.
What good can come out of rehashing the same thoughts? If you just witness those
thoughts through your ongoing internal awareness, then you can get back to just living,
and just being totally alive and free.

For the past 18 years, I’ve taken the same mile-long walk on my lunch break.
Because I have practiced living in the now for nearly two decades, I’ve never become
bored with taking the same walk along the same streets day after day. I stay aware of my
surroundings without judgment about what I see. There’s always a new discovery: a
flower blossoming, someone in their yard who says ‘hello,’ a butterfly fluttering by. It
goes back to being aware and quieting your mind. Try it! Take a walk and observe
what’s happening in the now. What do you see, feel, and smell? If you have children,
take them with you. Point out these things to them. See the moment through their eyes,
wide with wonder at your surroundings. You’ll return from your walk feeling a sense of
great peace.

Does living a thought-free life mean that you stop thinking altogether? Not at all.
Okay, then when is it okay to think? Of course, you can’t go through life without ever
thinking about anything. We engage what is called the “Learning, Natural Mind” when
we learn something new, like a language, driving a car, or a new job. Certain
professions, like that of a surgeon, may also require deep concentration.

The Learning, Natural Mind is a very useful “tool.” Yet, we must remember that
we are not the Learning, Natural Mind’s servant, and that it’s a tool for us to utilize.

11. When we use this part of our mind, there is natural flow, like dancing freely. Of
course, you first have to learn the dance steps. However, once this skill is accomplished,
you can just flow with it, trusting that the Learning, Natural Mind will effortlessly and,
hopefully, gracefully carry you through the dance.

Unfortunately, what most people do in “the life dance” is to analyze their every
step. Am I good enough? Does the other person like the way I dance? What if I forget
something? What if I mess up? And so on….

But if you flow with life and trust that you are totally present in the moment, you
will make the right choices; ones that will allow your life to flow like a beautiful dance.
LIVING IN THE ZONE

How many times have you driven to work, only to realize upon reaching your
destination that you barely remember the trip? As a matter of fact, things that we do over
and over again become almost automatic. It’s called “living in the zone,” a term often
associated with world-class athletes. I find it interesting that the most powerful branch
of
today’s sports psychology teaches athletes to execute their sport with total disregard for
winning or losing; to focus on single-mindedly performing their sport; and to simply,
completely be one with their sport. In other words, the Learning, Natural Mind has taken
over. They pay a lot of money to get that winning edge, and the results have been
amazingly effective.

This same principal applies to living in the now. Athletes learn to control their
thought process. So can you. What I am talking about is not being a great athlete, but
being a great human being. The highest level of human ability is when we flow with life
and live in the present moment without mental commentary. Try “Living in the Zone”

12. for just five minutes by applying the simple skills that I am teaching. The peace and
freedom you’ll feel will inspire you to seek more. You, too, can live this way! It just
takes great earnestness. The more you work towards Living in the Zone, the more natural
and easy it will become. You will have to change your conditioning, but that is possible.
Believe.

There will be times to use Anger Work techniques or sadness healing, as I’ve
thoroughly discussed in my book, Anger Work: How To Express Your Anger and Still Be
Kind. Make sure that you do this whenever you feel the need. However, my many years
of experience as a psychologist have taught me that people are usually only able to
perform their Anger Work a small part of the day, even in severe cases. Unless you are
learning to do something new, try to Live in the Zone the rest of the time.

Living can be broken into three parts:
(1) Learning;
(2) Healing; and
(3) Being.
That’s it.
GOAL SETTING

Volumes have been written about the importance of setting goals. People have
daily goals; monthly goals; yearly goals. Some even have five- or ten-year plans. Is it
possible to have goals and still live a relatively thought-free and peaceful life?

Goal setting is fine. The problem is that too many people dwell on their goals,
constantly imagining what their lives will be like when they marry their soul mate, land
that great new job, win the lottery, and so forth. Instead of experiencing the delight of
living in the moment, they live focused on trying to make their goals happen and become
upset and stressed if they don’t achieve them.

13. Let’s say that you have set a goal to find the perfect mate. One night, you’re at
dinner with your friends at a nice restaurant. Your gaze wanders to a nearby table where
a couple is having a romantic evening out. All you can do is think about your goal to find
your soul mate, rather than accepting “what is” and taking pleasure in the moment – good
company, good food, and having a great time with your friends. Instead of worrying
about what you don’t have, which in this case is a spouse, let go of that thought and
immerse yourself in what you have at that moment.

Go ahead and set goals. But be careful they don’t consume your thoughts. The
trick is to write them down and then let them go.

The same goes for planning things. Maybe one of your goals is taking a vacation
to Italy, for example. You’ve saved the money, and you’re ready to book the trip. Do the
research, make the reservations, and then slip the information into a folder and set it
aside. You would be amazed by how many people dwell on things, like worrying that
they might have found cheaper airfare, or a better hotel, or…well, you get the idea. Once
you’ve taken care of everything, step back and don’t continue to think about your trip
until it’s necessary. Of course, you can read guidebooks, look at maps, and whatever else
you want to do, but fretting over what’s already done won’t do anything but cause you to
loose sleep.

BAD THINGS HAPPENS TO EVERYONE

I’ll bet that about now you’re thinking, “But Dr. Puff. What about the bad things
that are going on in the world? You’re telling me to live a thought-free life. Am I
supposed to tune out everything that’s upsetting or unpleasant? How can I just ignore
suffering, hunger and disease?”

14. Living in a world filled with tragedies can be difficult. If you see or read about
something that makes you feel sad or upset, I’m not telling you to close your eyes and
ignore it. Ask yourself if you want to take any kind of action. Is there something you
can do to change the situation? If you want to help and have the means to do so, then
take the initiative and do it. Write a check or volunteer to help, for instance.

Here’s what I recommend. Once you have written that check or done your
volunteer work, close the door in your mind and keep it closed until you’ve quieted your
thoughts. Worrying about it constantly won’t help anything and can only bring you stress
and suffering. And that doesn’t help anyone.

People who frequently face upsetting, tragic situations, like doctors, nurses, and
firefighters, will be the first to tell you that if you don’t close that mental door, your
thoughts will soon burn you out. It’s okay to feel sadness, but you can’t keep thinking
and rethinking about what has upset you. You need to get those emotions up and out,
like mental vomiting!

PHYSICAL SUFFERING

About seven years ago, my father-in-law, Bill, was diagnosed with cancer. After
numerous surgeries and countless painful treatments, he died four years later. And yet, if
he were here, Bill would tell you that those were the best years of his life. How is that
possible? Because he had a positive attitude and thoroughly loved every minute of his
time left on earth. He spent as much time as he could with his family, and especially, his
grandchildren. Even though he suffered physically, he spent his mental energy living in
the moment.

15. Here’s the deal. You can continue to suffer, or you can accept “what is.” That’s
not to say you shouldn’t do everything in your power to get well. But once you’ve done
all of the things your doctor has told you to do, like medical procedures, drugs, or
whatever else is necessary, then it’s time to let go of your constant worry about the
future. By living in the now, you’ll find that your focus shifts, and with it, you’ll think
less and less about the physical pain. You make the choice. In my experience, when
you’re suffering with physical pain, accepting “what is” can eventually help the pain go
away.

The mind is a powerful thing. Of course, there’s physical pain. But in reality,
much of our suffering comes as a result of thinking about suffering, about dreading it so
much that we’re guaranteed that the pain is going to be every bit as bad as we thought. It
boils down to this: You get what you focus on. If you are thinking about all the terrible
things that are happening, or more likely, all the terrible things that might happen, you
will suffer more. Instead, be present in the moment, even if that moment is painful, as
there’s is nothing that we can’t handle one moment at a time. Then look around and see
if there isn’t something beautiful to be with. You may find that there is always
something to love.

FOCUS ON THE GOOD

My father-in-law and others with serious illnesses whom I’ve counseled have
learned to focus on the positive things going on around them, like a bird singing, the
smile of a nurse, the beauty of the sunset outside their window.

We can all learn this valuable lesson and apply it to all aspects of our lives. There
is always something good going on, even in the midst of a natural catastrophe or a war.

16. Choose to focus on something good that’s going on around you, and don’t let your mind
constantly focus on suffering.

I love the story of a Tibetan monk who was put in a prison by the Chinese. After
10 years of being confined to a cold, damp cell, the monk was finally released. When he
saw his fellow monks, he told them he finally got it. “I finally understand how beautiful
cockroaches are,” he said. There’s always something beautiful everywhere, if we’re open
to it. Beauty is everywhere. Why not focus on it all of the time?

LIVING IN THE NOW

I have a client who went to Maui for a vacation. The weather was perfect, the
hotel was great, and he got a good deal on his airfare. Yet, he didn’t have a good time,
and he wasn’t rested or relaxed when he returned home. Why not? Because he said he
spent a lot of time wishing he could stay longer. He would sit on the beach thinking
about having to leave Maui and go back to work the following week. He fanaticized
about moving to Maui permanently. As the days passed, he became increasingly
depressed about leaving. Before he knew it, his vacation was over, and it actually time to
go home. Instead of living in the now and enjoying his time in Hawaii, he made himself
miserable.

Like too many people, he didn’t experience the “what is.” If he had, each
moment of the trip, including the long flights and packing, would have had a quality of
peace that truly surpasses all understanding. Whether he was sitting, in presence, on the
beach at Maui, or in his car in morning work traffic, that thoughtless, peaceful state is
always available, always loving, and inviting us to just be. You don’t have to wait to
have a good life. Have it now by simply being.

17. EXTERNAL RESULTS

The internal results of living in the now are obvious: peace and happiness. But
what about your external world? How does your inner peace affect people around you?
Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect? In a nutshell, it means that when even the
smallest thing changes, it changes all around you. That’s certainly the case here. It’s all
about cause and effect. Many of my clients have discovered that spouses, children,
bosses and other people who used to make them miserable have changed for the better.
Or so it seems. The truth is that if you change yourself, people around you will likely
react to the new, more peaceful you, and they’ll change, too.

So let’s review.

• The ability to find peace and happiness in our chaotic world is within each of us.

• We can all learn to love “what is” if we strive to have a life that is lived in the
now, instead of in the past or the future.

• We all spend a lot of time and energy trying to control things that are almost
always out of our control. If you can change it, do. If not, let it go and accept
“what is.”

• Too often, we try to hang on to material things. We need to realize there’s no
such thing as permanence. Things change. Situations change. Houses will come
and go. So will cars and other possessions. Even people come and go in our lives.
Don’t get too attached to anything or you will suffer.

• Be present without thought, and see how peaceful you are. This isn’t necessarily
about always being happy. This is about being at peace with “what is.” You may
be depressed about something – think of it as a dark cloud that passes by. It may
last for a few days. Stay with the awareness that this is not permanent.

• The key to life is silently watching and just being still. It’s a sense of going
through life, knowing what’s going on around you, and accepting “what is.”

• The only thing that’s permanent in life is your awareness of what is. If you reside
in that awareness without thoughts, you’ll find the peace you’re looking for.
Everyone can have it. You just have to stop wanting things to be different.

18. When you’re faced with an upsetting situation, relax and let go of the
outcome. Things will get better. Decide that you will go through life
without mentally commenting and wishing things were different. Do what
you can to affect change, and then stop thinking about it.
In simpler terms, live completely in the now. Be aware of your surroundings, but
practice clearing your mind of the self-talk that clutters your thoughts. Relax and find
delight in each and every thing around you, from the tiniest insect, to the song on your
car radio, to a colorful painting in your doctor’s office. Simply surround yourself in the
wonders of “what is,” and let go of every other thought. As you learn to just be in the
now, the eventual change in you will not only be an acceptance of “what is,” but a loving
of “what is.”

For more than two decades, I have counseled my clients in these life-altering
practices. In the past, however, the number of individuals I could help was limited to
those living in Southern California. Through the use of the Internet and Podcasts, as well
as the distribution of my book on Anger Work, I have been able to reach countless people.
My ultimate goal, and the reason I decided to record this Podcast, is to reach out to as
many of you as possible, so that you can find the inner peace that we all deserve.